Start.

where to start? this may seem a strange question given that i am already two posts in.

the first post was more an explanation of the whys, why the name? and why the blog? beginnings was more a description of why i struggled to start the blog... and my life i guess... and commitment to start, no matter how difficult.

this is more a case of where do i start with the ongoing nature of the blog?

so, where do i start?

so much has gone before this point, that i want to get out, i could be here for days and fill page after page. over time i know i will, but for now do i start with mistakes made? lessons learnt? the things i've achieved? more importantly, the things i havent? maybe the things i have seen and done, or, again, more importantly, the things i havent?

do i start with the problems of the last few years, or with the more underlying problems within myself which have been developing for years? maybe i start with more positives than negatives, the events and people that have shaped the more positive areas of both myself and my life?

herein lies a problem i'm sure a lot of people have, and ties directly in to the beginnings post of before. once i get over that daunting thought of a blank page, i spend so much time trying to figure out where to start, i forget the important part, which is starting. once the ball is rolling, its easier to keep it rolling. like a car that needs pushing, getting those tires moving is the most strenuous part of the push, but once its moving, keeping it rolling is easier... relatively at least. like my blank page, it doesnt matter where i start, so long as i start, the page will get done.

so, now that i have started, i have decided the best place for me to start, is at the beginning... where it began. not the day i was born, far from it, more like where the events that got me to where i am really began. where the events that shaped the man... the person, i am today.*

so where i start, is where it began, at least where i feel it began. combining both my rise from being the boy who grew in shoeburyness wasting time, to the meteoric fall that brought me to the person i see in the mirror today. nothing too specific i guess, more a brief stroll memory lane. i'll concentrate on the sites on the way back.

"take the first step in faith. you dont have to see the whole stair case, just take the first step" - dr martin luther king jr.

*i change the man to the person, as in truth, i do not really see myself as being a man. being a man has little to do with age, but more to do with actions and in all truth, my actions to date are not those of a male human i consider to be a real man. but thats a story for a later post